


a moment of weakness

by reylotrash711



Series: reylotrash711's one shots [18]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, F/M, First Time, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond (Star Wars), Love, No Pregnancy, Post-TLJ, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Smut, Smutember 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:33:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26304949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylotrash711/pseuds/reylotrash711
Summary: He had been so certain of what he wanted.Until she walked into his life and threw everything upside down.No.He refused to give her any thought.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: reylotrash711's one shots [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588801
Comments: 22
Kudos: 89
Collections: Reylo Smutember 2020, Smutember 2020





	a moment of weakness

**Author's Note:**

> This is my fic for the Reylo Smutember 2020 inspired by the prompt "First Time"
> 
> Huge thank you to [Cecilia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceciliasheplin/works) for beta reading this fic, as always you have been so helpful with this fic, I can't thank you enough ❤️

The worst thing about being Supreme Leader was… well, everything. Endless meetings day after day, listening to generals drown on. He supposed that on some level it was reasonably important, but not enough for him to care when in his eyes there were far more pressing matters to deal with. 

The generals were obsessed with the Resistance, the group of rebels who were pitifully trying to rebuild their numbers and from what the First Order had gathered, failing miserably. They were no longer a threat, there was nothing they could do other than hiding in the shadows, counting down the days until their next attempt to challenge the First Order. 

General Hux, in particular, wanted nothing more than to focus their entire army on killing and destroying the Resistance. To him, crushing the Resistance and putting an end to the spark that had ignited was his only goal.

In Kylo Ren’s eyes, there were far more important matters to deal with. Let the Resistance slowly die away and be forgotten, they weren’t worthy opponents. The First Order should be focusing on bringing order to the galaxy, creating a system that could keep control over the planets’ leaders but wasn’t as oppressive as the Empire. They needed to learn from the Empire’s, and the Old and New Republic’s mistakes. It was time for something new.

General Hux’s argument was that they needed to ensure there was peace within the galaxy before they could move forward with forming a new political system. Ren disagreed, part of a political system involved putting new laws in place that would keep systems in line and result in peace across the galaxy.

Ren hated politics, he hated the war, he hated the First Order and he hated the Resistance. He had wanted the power, control over something for once in his life. He had always answered to someone, his parents, Luke Skywalker, Snoke. For him, he had been a puppet, controlled and manipulated. When he had finally broken free of his chains he had wanted to prove himself, he wanted the control to show everyone that he didn’t have to answer to anyone. 

He had been so certain of what he wanted. 

Until  _ she  _ walked into his life and threw everything upside down. 

No.

He refused to give her any thought. 

As he banished the image of her away, he closed the door to his quarters, making sure it was double locked. The last thing he wanted was one of the assassins Hux had hired sneaking in when his guard was down.

Naturally, he had known of Hux’s plans for weeks. The man hated him and wanted his position, he expected no less of the general. His attempts to murder him so far had been pitiful, Hux was afraid and it showed. The majority of the army were more loyal to him than they were to Ren, but with the Knights of Ren scattered across the galaxy, Hux was always looking over his shoulder.

It would be easy to shut it down, with a flick of his wrist he could dispose of Hux. But what would be the point? There would always be someone else out for his position and his power, it came with the role. And why would he bother working so hard to protect a position he no longer cared about. None of it was worth it anymore.

He refused to think of the reason why. She had been plaguing his mind since that day in the throne room, the day where he put it all on the line just to be rejected. 

With a tired sigh, he began to undress and get ready for a night of trying to sleep. He had never slept well and when he did, his nightmares haunted him. 

As he lay in bed now, like most nights over the last three months, he thought of her. Always of her. He wanted to loathe her, to hate her enough to be able to destroy her. 

But it felt impossible to think such things, she had bewitched him body and soul. 

She was his enemy, the last Jedi. He was the Jedi Killer, it should be his goal to kill her. But the idea made him feel uneasy, guilty, he couldn’t think about such things without feeling a pain in his chest.

He would much rather she kill him than live the rest of his life without her. Their interactions were short and cold. He thought their connection had died with Snoke, how wrong he had been. For only a week after she had shut the door of his father’s ship on Crait, she appeared in his quarters. 

Each time the Force connected them, they ignored each other, both of them either too angry or tired to argue or spit words of venom. 

He wished he could talk to her. She understood how he felt, she had been so kind and gentle, reaching out to him across the fire. She was his light, a spark within the darkness that surrounded him. He never wanted to let the light fade, as much as he hated to admit it, he needed it to survive. 

Closing his eyes, he thought of her. He could scold himself in the morning for doing so but for now, he would sleep, thinking of the spark that had turned his world upside down. 

-O-

He woke to the sound of quiet sobbing. At first, he thought he was dreaming, that the sound was merely an illusion. But as he came to his senses, he could feel that the person who was creating the noise was close, extremely close. 

Slowly he opened his eyes and was met with the dark durasteel wall of his quarters. He was very much awake now, and the cries still filled his ears. Someone else was in his bed, he didn’t need to guess who it was, he could feel her. 

Taking a deep breath, he rolled over to see Rey curled up in a ball, sobbing as she slept. She was having a nightmare. He could feel her distress moving towards him through the bond, he could feel the pain she was in. 

As he watched her struggle in her sleep, he found himself to be useless. He didn’t want to frighten her, and yet he felt the immense need to comfort her or at least free her from the clutches of her dream. 

Reaching out tentatively, he shook her gently, “Rey!” he whispered, trying his best to wake her up as gently as possible. Moving closer so that he was hovering over her, he shook her again this time whispering slightly louder, “Rey!”

Something seemed to click and she woke suddenly, sitting up and gasping for breath. She turned to him, her eyes still tearful and afraid. He expected her to scream or curse at him. But instead, she fell into his arms, crying as she clung to his bare arms.

He was frozen in place, unsure of what to do now that a woman was crying against his bare chest. Slowly, he moved his arms around her, holding her close however slightly awkwardly as she wept.

“I killed you, Ben, I killed you.” she sobbed, explaining her nightmare to him. He was unsure of what to say, he thought she wanted him dead. “I’m so sorry, Ben, I’m so sorry.”

“Ssh,” he said gently, his hand stroking along her hair that hung loosely around her shoulders, “It was just a dream.”

Her cries racked through her body as she shook. The dream had left her unsettled, leaving her broken and vulnerable in his arms. She was his enemy, he should have taken the chance to kill her. But he didn’t, he held her close and rocked her gently. She deserved this moment of weakness, they both did. 

Her tears gradually began to subside, her breathing evening out again as he held her. Rey’s hands were still holding onto his arms, almost afraid to let go. He tried not to think too much about the fact they were both barely dressed in his bed holding each other close, the weight of those thoughts was too much for him to cope with at the moment.

When she had calmed down and was sitting silently in his lap, he found himself leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. Maybe it was because he wanted to comfort her, or maybe it was because he had wanted to so for longer than he was willing to admit. 

Rey pulled away from his chest and for a moment he was worried she would scream at him and tell him never to touch her again. 

But instead, she looked up into his eyes, the stars shining through his viewport shone down on her. He could barely comprehend what was happening when she leant forward and cupped his cheeks with her gentle hands. 

He was certain he had lost his mind when he felt the soft brush of her lips against his. 

She kissed him gently, her soft lips moving against his own.

Suddenly, she abruptly pulled away, breathless as she looked at him with sad eyes, “We shouldn’t.” her voice shaky and unconvincing. 

Ben nodded in agreement, “We shouldn’t.” he said before leaning forward and meeting her halfway in another passionate kiss. There was no turning back now, they were too far down this road to stop. 

He knew he was committing a ridiculous number of crimes against the First Order, but couldn’t find it within him to care. Yes, he was fraternizing with the enemy, but how could he not when his enemy was her? 

He would gladly be labelled as a traitor if it meant he could kiss Rey, hold her in his arms and never let her go. 

Rey’s hands tugged at his hair, pulling him closer as he let out a groan against her lips. She took the opportunity to run her tongue against his bottom lip, moaning softly as the kiss deepened and they fell back into the sheets. 

He reluctantly tore his lips away from her own as he hovered over her, allowing them a moment to catch their breaths. Rey wrapped her arms around his neck, “Never let me go, Ben, never let me go.” she whispered.

Ben nodded, “I promise.” before leaning down and kissing her again. 

His lips moved from hers to her jaw, trailing kisses down her neck as she let out breathless moans, causing him to harden beneath his sleeping pants. As his lips reached the neckline of her shirt, Rey let out a desperate whisper, “Please, Ben, please.” 

He looked up at her, “Are you sure?” he asked hesitantly.

Rey nodded, “Yes, are you?”

“Yes.” he responded immediately, leaning forward to kiss her again. As his lips moved against her own, he felt Rey take his hands and move them under her thin tunic. Ben’s breath caught in his throat at the feeling of her beneath his fingers. 

Pulling away from his lips, Rey reached down and lifted her tunic over her head before tossing it to the side. Ben looked at her in awe, taking in the sight of her bare chest. A wave of insecurity moved from her through the bond. Ben simply smiled, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss on her chest, just above her heart, “You’re so beautiful.” he whispered against her skin, trailing his lips down the valley of her breasts.

Rey moaned, her fingers clinging to his hair as he moved his attention to one of her nipples, kissing and licking it eagerly. He wanted to give her everything, he wanted to give her the stars. She was allowing him this and he was the luckiest man in the galaxy, holding her in his arms and showing her what she meant to him. 

And she meant more to him than she could possibly imagine.

“I need you, Ben, I need you now,” Rey demanded.

He was more than willing to fulfil her wish.

In a flurry of movement, their remaining clothes were tossed carelessly to the floor, leaving them both completely bare to each other. Rey moved her hands along his chest, travelling down to his hips where she traced small circles as her hand drew closer to where he was begging for her touch.

Her movements were shy and he could sense her nervousness. He pressed a kiss to her temple, “You don’t have to.” he said gently, he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. Rey shook her head and continued her journey across his body.

Her hand danced closer to his groin until her fingers brushed against his hardness. She wrapped her fingers around it, pumping slowly as she moved to whisper in his ear, “Touch me, Ben.”

He let out a low groan before trailing his hand down her stomach and between her thighs where he met her heat. Hesitantly, he moved a single finger through her folds, drawing out a breathless moan from Rey. “Force, Rey, you are so wet.” he marvelled, finding the bundle of nerves and circling it gently until Rey was a quivering mess, her hand faltering as she tried to focus on stroking him. Ben gasped as Rey tightened her hand slightly, her lips brushing over his cheek as she breathed heavily. 

“Ben.” she said as he slowly dipped a finger inside her, moving gently. 

He felt her reach out to him through the bond, her warm and familiar signature wrapping around his own. It took him by surprise, the onslaught of feelings that rushed towards him,  _ her feelings _ . Compassion and a weakness for him and and-. Ben froze.

Love.

Their movements stopped suddenly and Rey looked into his eyes, nervously biting her lip as he watched her try and figure out his reaction. 

“But we are enemies, I’m dark and I’ve done so many terrible things, Rey. You deserve so much more-”

She pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him, “Don’t,” she said gently, “it doesn’t matter who we are, because right now we are just a girl and a boy, together.”

Her eyes were wide and hopeful. Ben couldn’t resist anymore, he couldn’t deny anymore. Leaning forward he kissed her gently, Force, he would never tire of kissing her. Rey wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he held her hips as he rolled them so he was hovering above her, his lips never leaving her own. 

Pulling his lips from her, Ben looked down at Rey. She looked like the most beautiful woman in the galaxy, naked with her hair sprawled out across his pillow. A smile came across his lips. It felt good to smile, it had been too long. 

Rey returned his smile and his heart leapt in his chest as he realised how much he adored her bright, loving smile. It was also then that he realised that he wanted to see her smile everyday until the day he died. 

Leaning down, he kissed her again, lowering his hips towards hers so that his erection brushed against her heat, causing them both to groan into the kiss. Rey’s hands moved up into his hair, caressing it gently as she pulled her lips momentarily away from his to whisper, “I have an implant.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Rey breathed, kissing him again and holding him close to her as he lined himself up at her entrance.

Taking a deep breath, Ben slowly entered her. Beneath him, Rey gasped, holding onto his shoulders with her eyes screwed shut. “Are you okay?” he asked, panicking slightly as she bit her lip, her body tensing.

Reaching out, he stroked her cheek gently as he paused, allowing her to adjust and feel comfortable. Rey opened her eyes and nodded, giving him permission to continue. 

He moved slowly, drawing soft moans from her lips as he moved within her. She felt incandescent, how had it taken them so long to find this? Their lips found each other again as Rey moved her hips in time with his, their hands clutching each other as their fingers entwined. 

“Oh, Ben!” Rey gasped, breathing heavily as he found a rhythm. She pulled him closer so their chests pressed together, he had never felt so close to another person before. He couldn’t imagine wanting to be this close to anyone other than her. 

They moved in perfect harmony, the sound of their breathless moans filled the dark room as Rey begged Ben to move faster. He obliged, increasing his pace and driving them both mad in the process. 

“Fuck, Rey.” Ben groaned, kissing all over her face, worshipping her. 

He could feel himself drawing enticingly closer to his climax, it was just within his reach. Snaking his hand down between them, he found her clit and rubbed tight circles into it. Rey arched her back, moaning as he felt her clench around him, climaxing. As he moved her through her orgasm, he quickly fell over the precipice, filling her as he came deep within her. 

They collapsed into the sheets, holding each other as sweat clung to their bodies and their hearts pounded. Looking down at her, Ben pressed a kiss to the top of Rey’s head, pulling her as close as was physically possible to her body. 

“I don’t want to let you go.” He said, slightly tearful as Rey pressed comforting kisses over his heart. 

“You don’t have to.” she whispered, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Ben shook his head, “It won’t give us much longer.” he stated, wishing they were truly together. 

Rey smiled at him, placing a hand over his heart, “I’m right here, Ben.”

He nodded slowly in understanding, kissing her again and closing his eyes as his arms wrapped tight around her shoulders. 

Much to his dismay, it didn’t matter how close he held her or how desperately he clung together, the Force wouldn’t allow it. When Ben opened his eyes again, Rey was gone. He turned over pressing his face into his pillow before allowing the tears to fall...

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed please consider leaving comments and kudos!  
> Come say hi:
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/reylotrash711)


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